Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ok, this is not one of those “dear diary “ moments, nothing special really…actually yeah, something very special, after exactly 3 months, this is the first night I’m alone, on my own… god it feels perfect. Not that I’m not happy with Chris or anything like that, it’s just so good to come home, wear my gown, clean everywhere, cook something “I” like for “ME”, smoke as much as I want and wherever I want…watch a chickflick movie, study a bit…ah…do I ever wanted to live like mom? Waking up early to make breakfast for somebody else, always smoking in the kitchen so, god forbidden, someone, the one, not get bothered, did I ever wanted to smile when I’m not happy, watch the movie with lots of explosion and drinking beer? Yeah….I guess I did want it….after all, most of the time we are happy together, at least he says he loves me everyday, he says I’m the cutest, I guess that’s good for my ego if nothing else
In one hour or two, he’ll be back home, everything goes back to those people who’ll live happily ever after, or may be not




Monday, August 06, 2007

I clearly remember the night I started this blog, for a while I would write regularly and then it turned to a nag book, I stopped and restarted again so many times...since last time I wrote here, many things has happened in my life, one of them is that the one who designed the background is dead!!!The rest of changes are not that obviouse to be tragic...some of the surprisingly great. I finaly found a decent job for instance or and I left Lancaster,I moved in with Chris, we rented a house, we bought bed and sofa, I wake up everyday at 6 to make breakfast for him......God! my life has changed, I'm always worried about how much I cost, I'm always worried about defending my standards which are fairly high...that's actually one thing that hasn't changed.... but then what the hell am I doing? Am I really trying to catch up with my standards? what has happened to my fine sentiments? what has happened to my madness? I think I'm totally predictable now...at least I think I'm happy! if that means anything at all...well it means something, means I've learnt to compromise....if i just learn not to nag, not to cry, not to talk and not do anything not predetemined...probably I could share my happiness with people around me
will I ever be frivolous the way I used to be? it's too much of cliché, but I must say I'm turning to a real grown up...I wish I could at least deal with smarter people

Archive